A New Way to Make Friends?

Hi ,

Things feel extra spooky this Halloween. That’s not because adults – and kids – are seeking joy and frivolity by stretching what used to be one night of trick-or-treating into multiple days of celebration. It’s not because some freaks are taking it too far with the Halloween decorations. It’s all the other stuff, all the existential worries and the bad headlines.

You don’t have to go far to stumble upon a real horror story. Take one woman’s tale of waking up one day after 24 years of marriage to realize her husband had committed financial infidelity and was attempting to open credit cards in her name because he had secretly run up $137,000 worth of credit-card debt (and pilfered her savings). That frightening scenario kicks off the Financial Confessions podcast’s new series focused on women age 50+ called Just Getting Good. In this case, there’s a happy ending — she’s now divorced and it sounds like she has been wildly successful financially.

From spooky to sporty: This week’s feature is all about the benefits of getting back into a tennis habit, including the surprisingly tight new friendships that develop. Read on for that, plus a few recommendations for your weekend.

Bye,
Your friends at Gloria

I came back to tennis five years ago after a 25-year hiatus. It was one of those things I had loved intensely as a teenager and then just... didn't. When I joined a local USTA team, I walked into something I didn't expect: the most age-diverse, body-diverse group I'd belonged to in my adult life. Some of the best players are well into their 50s. Others in their late 30s and early 40s are hitting their stride, playing better than they ever did in their youth.

There's a massage therapist whose drop shots make you curse under your breath, a young theater agent with a lethal backhand slice, and a veteran narcotics prosecutor who brings the same strategic intensity to breaking down opponents' games. Lawyers, architects, artists — all women who might not otherwise cross paths, but who somehow ended up on the same courts at the same ungodly hours.

In every other corner of midlife, we sort ourselves relentlessly: by life stage, by income, by whether our kids play travel soccer. Maybe that's why a recent survey found that 19 percent of US adults now play team sports, up from 11 percent in 2020 — we're craving communities formed around something else entirely. 

This team was assembled by different math: some combination of being good enough at the sport, being genuinely kind, and having that particular hunger that makes you willing to rearrange your entire week around match days. 

The friendships that form around this shared obsession are also an unexpected boon considering how making new friends at midlife can sometimes feel like an awkward imposition on everyone's already overscheduled lives. Though we come from different neighborhoods, professions, and life stages, tennis creates this thing around us — and that turns us into an "us." There's an ease to these new friendships that I'd forgotten was possible. 

The players who've been at this longer teach you things you can't learn any other way. They know when to be aggressive and when to let your opponent beat herself, when to go for the line and when to hit it back deep and wait. Patience becomes one of your best weapons as you age in this sport, something younger players with faster reflexes don't always understand yet.

At 16, when tennis consumed my afternoons and weekends, it gave me a sense of who I was. The intensity was pure and absolute and ultimately unsustainable. At 50, the intensity is bounded. Tennis isn't my identity, but it's become part of how I understand myself: as someone who still shows up to learn something difficult, who still gets nervous before big matches, who still believes she can get better at something that matters to her.

My kids, who are 12 and 16, watch this whole thing with some degree of fascination and I hope, a bit of pride. They see me get up early for practice, chug coffee before 9 p.m. matches, and come home elated or dejected depending on how things went. They've learned that their mother has obligations to people who aren't them, people who depend on her to be prepared and focused and fully present for something that has nothing to do with their needs.

There's something clarifying about committing to a team at midlife. It creates a space where other adults need you to show up at your best — not your most accommodating, not your most flexible, but your most skilled and reliable. Where success depends entirely on your own preparation and execution, but where that individual effort only matters in service of something larger.

It might feel early, but getting a jump on holiday shopping means giving yourself enough time to seek out gifts that are truly special and personal. For those sorts of items, Etsy is our first stop. It's the best place to find cool and unique gifts that support small makers — like a cute sweatshirt with custom embroidery, ultra-warm and soft alpaca socks, a ceramic travel mug that’s prettier and more eco-friendly than a to-go cup, or custom pens for the writers or teachers in your life. (You will probably find lots of great stuff for yourself, too! No shame.) Click here for more gift inspo. #partner

TO STREAM Rachel Sennot’s HBO series, I Love LA (out tomorrow), is being compared to Girls because both offer a glimpse of a pretty unlikable 20-something making her way in a creative industry in a big city. Only time will tell if it will have the same cultural impact. Also, a new Robin Hood series is debuting on MGM+ this Sunday. Do we think this Robin Hood is hot enough to tune in for? The show is certainly is going in a sexy, romance novel-type direction.

TO TRY Your pet deserves a little something extra, and this pet rewards credit card gives you 3x rewards at the places you already spend the most — pet stores, groomers, and the vet. More rewards mean more treats, toys, and cozy nights together. It even comes with built-in pet insurance, so they’re covered if something unexpected happens. The only credit card made just for them. Check it out here. ** #partner

TO LISTEN It’s Halloween, and Florence & The Machine’s ethereally spooky new album, Everybody Scream, has arrived. It doesn’t take much to get into the screaming mood these days, but for Florence Welch, the genesis was a miscarriage that could have killed her. We are also enjoying the early tracks off Doga, from the experimental-quirky singer-songwriter Juana Molina.

TO WATCH Anniversary isn’t the first Hollywood production to map an entire plot around “my son is dating a girl I really do not like.” But in this case, the potential MIL is Diane Lane, and the potential DIL is scary and unblinking in a sort of robotic-alien type way.

TO SHOP Forget what you know about underwire bras. The FreeFlex™ is about to change everything. Made with an innovative, carbonized flexible wire and wear-tested for more than 625 hours, our newest innovation provides unparalleled lift, separation and support. It’s everything you want from an underwire bra, without the pain of one. Shop Knix Now. #partner

After being brushed off by their medical providers, women in perimenopause are turning to friends, the comments section on Instagram, and telehealth startups for help. • “I have breast cancer, and other sentences I never wanted to write.” • So many cool discoveries courtesy of Time’s list of the best inventions of 2025 (like this FDA-approved device to prevent osteoporosis, this “spiral” tampon, and this biodegradable coffin).  • What to know about a new FDA-approved, non-hormonal medication for hot flashes.

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