A Weird Health Issue

Hi friend,

We have a feeling that pretty soon, everyone’s going to be talking about Dying for Sex. The new series, which premieres next Friday on Hulu and is based on a true story (that was cataloged via podcast), stars Michelle Williams as a woman with stage-four cancer trying to get in touch with her sexual self in the short time she has left. Jenny Slate plays her supportive best friend.

The show is “casually groundbreaking in its treatment of heterosexual sex,” writes Rachel Handler in a piece for Vulture that calls the series “the kinkiest show” on TV. “Its protagonist has sex with multiple men largely without vaginal penetration, a choice that stands in direct opposition to most of the show’s thrust-loving American television forebears.” 

Handler mentions that Dying for Sex follows multiple stories of middle-aged women exploring their sexuality. And as in Miranda July’s All Fours, Ada Calhoun’s Crush, or the Nicole Kidman film Babygirl, the show’s protagonist has to go outside her marriage to do so, leaving her husband of 15 years (played by Jay Duplass).

“The dissolution of a marriage often leads women down a road they never knew existed — a path to their own pleasure and sexual liberation,” writes Hayley Folk in an article for Bustle about post-divorce sexual reckonings. “After being out of the dating game for years, I was also having more sex (it was better, too). Looking back, I think my transformation came because I was no longer tied down by expectations of what a wife should be — and many fellow divorcées can relate.” Divorce, it turns out, can radicalize men in one way, and women in another.

The sex scenes in Dying for Sex may grab headlines, but the friendship between Williams’s and Slate’s characters is the heart of the series…and the total opposite of The White Lotus’s compellingly toxic female friendship trio.

“You don’t get to see that much, how actually passionate that best-friendship relationship can be,” Williams said to Vanity Fair. “It’s more passionate than people give it credit for. It’s more of a deep love affair that just doesn’t have a sexual component, but it’s a love attachment — not a casual coffee date.”

In addition to the always-relevant topic of female friendships, this week we’re investigating a strange biological reality of aging: drinking affects us differently now. Below, writer Lydia Wang investigates why. Plus recommendations for your week, and more.

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Your friends at Gloria

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The issue began in her early 30s: Jennifer, 38, noticed that she wasn’t sleeping well after drinking even a small amount of alcohol. She’d struggle with insomnia, or wake up too early. The next morning, “I’d feel really fatigued and out of it,” she recalls. “Not necessarily hungover, but just tired and overall not good.” 

In her early 20s, she’d drink a ton of water before bed and then feel “totally normal” the next morning, but “that’s just not even close to the experience anymore,” Jennifer says. This is a big part of why now, at 38, she rarely drinks alcohol. And she’s not the only one.

Jill, 50, noticed a similar but “gradual” shift in the way she felt after drinking, which worsened in her late 40s. “Alcohol primarily affected my sleep — I would say that was the number one symptom that increased over those years,” she says. Then, about a year and a half ago, she “began to experience all of these perimenopausal symptoms, and alcohol seemed to exacerbate those a lot,” she explains. “Now, if I have a glass of red wine with dinner, I don’t feel good by the end of the meal, 80 percent of the time.”

For Ilana, 38, the change was as mental as it was physical. Like Jennifer and Jill, she started noticing extreme exhaustion after drinking around age 34; then, the next day, she’d feel intense anxiety. “For me, [it looked like] a frustrating mix of wanting to sleep and relax but being unable to. My mind races, while my body is completely drained,” she says. She still enjoys alcohol, but approaches it differently than she did in her 20s. Now, whenever she plans a night of drinking, she’s also sure to set aside the next day to rest and recover.

So why, exactly, does drinking feel so much worse as you get older? In short, it’s because our ability to metabolize alcohol declines over time. 

Alcohol is primarily broken down by an enzyme called ADH (alcohol dehydrogenase), which is found in the liver and the stomach lining. That said, people assigned male at birth have much more ADH in their stomach lining, explains Kathleen T. Brady, MD, PhD, a board-certified psychiatrist and professor at the Medical University of South Carolina. “So, women — when they drink the same amount of alcohol as a man — sometimes have twice as high blood [alcohol] content because they don’t have that first initial metabolism in the GI tract,” Dr. Brady says.

Meanwhile, “As we age, the ability of the liver to function declines,” says Sherry McKee, PhD, a professor of psychiatry at the Yale Medical School. In other words, the alcohol you drink will stay in your bloodstream for a longer amount of time — which, research shows, can lead to increased or worsened side effects like hangovers and sleeping problems.

Also important to know: Alcohol is water-soluble, meaning it circulates in your body’s total water content, says Dr. Brady. In general, women have less body water than men. This is why, “even if a man and a woman are the same weight, a woman will achieve a higher concentration of alcohol in her bloodstream after drinking an equivalent amount of alcohol,” Dr. McKee explains. 

As you age, your body’s total water content decreases, meaning a night of drinking will make your blood alcohol content higher than it would have been in your younger years, says Dr. Brady. If you find yourself suddenly feeling intoxicated after, say, just one drink, this could be the reason.

Going through menopause or perimenopause can impact the way alcohol is metabolized, too. “Estrogen also impacts how the body processes alcohol,” says Dr. Brady. “So when estrogen levels drop, metabolism slows down as well — and people may become intoxicated more quickly and feel the effects of alcohol more strongly.” It’s also common for certain menopause symptoms, like hot flashes and night sweats, to worsen after alcohol consumption.

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TO WATCH The indie film The Penguin Lessons (in theaters) is loosely based upon real events. An Englishman who goes to Argentina to teach in the ‘70s finds his assignment difficult – that is until he accidentally rescues a penguin. Looks pleasant enough.

TO USE Planning a Disney trip can feel overwhelming (and expensive), but this strategy can help you hack the cost. It’s a blueprint for using credit card rewards to cover airfare, hotels, and even park tickets. #partner

TO LISTEN Japanese Breakfast got the title of its new album, For Melancholy Brunettes (& sad women), exactly right. The music bops along in an easygoing, plush, dreamy sort of way; listening to it feels like being dropped back into the indie scene of the early ‘00s. ”Mega Circuit” is our favorite track.

TO GET We found ourselves out of sunscreen on a recent trip, so we picked up this one at a local boutique. We were surprised at how much we loved it. It’s a lightweight, watery gel consistency (ideal for hot and humid weather) and it didn’t clog our pores or otherwise bother our sensitive skin.

The return of the bed skirt. • Exhaustion during perimenopause could be caused by heavy menstrual bleeding. • People are spying on celebrities via drone. • “Spring break for the teens of New York’s elite.” • Relationships with AI chatbots sound bleak. • More evidence of a link between the herpes virus and Alzheimer’s risk.

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