An Embarrassing Admission

Hi friend,

A simple explanation for the skyrocketing success of Mel Robbins’ new theory and subsequent book, The Let Them Theory, is that the world feels totally out of control and we’re all exhausted. 

For those who are unfamiliar, this is how Robbins describes Let Them in action.

“Your friends all go out to brunch together and they don’t invite you. Let them. The person you’re dating doesn’t want a commitment. Let them. Your spouse does not want to do the 5K with you. Let them. Your company is laying people off. Let them. If you let them, then people will reveal who they truly are. And when they reveal who they truly are to you, you now know what you can choose next that’s right for you.”

In other words: You can’t control how other people act, you can only control your own thoughts and how you respond. It’s like Reinhold Niebuhr’s Serenity Prayer, but for the TikTok era.

Let Them can take the shape of parenting advice for the helicopter generation, a critique of cancel culture, the wisdom of a middle-aged woman who has been through some stuff, or straight-up self-preservation.

It sounds simple, just two words, but it feels hard to pin down. In search of understanding, we listened to Robbins explain it on her podcast, watched her appearance on the Today show, and read multiple assessments of the method, including from Vox and The Cut, which unfortunately lie behind a paywall.

Robbins describes the theory as a way to relinquish control and thereby lower stress – but it does seem to require significant emotional regulation. It’s easy to tell people not to be pissed when they’re cut off in traffic (“let them”), but let’s be real: sometimes true tranquility is out of reach.

But look, if this works for women trying to reclaim their emotional energy, why not let them? To each her own. We shouldn’t let terrible behavior or frightening headlines hijack our nervous systems and drain us of energy that’d be better used elsewhere. In a world that expects endless sacrifice from women, we should try to focus more on ourselves and our own goals and happiness. And Robbins does caveat Let Them; it doesn’t apply to aggressive boundary-pushing, witnessing harassment or discrimination, or if someone wants to do something dangerous, like drunk driving.

We did appreciate this note of caution, which was left as a comment on that Today show clip. “As a therapist, I believe the ‘Let Them’ approach, while empowering in some contexts, can be polarizing because it risks prioritizing self-preservation over genuine connection. While boundaries are essential, true healing and growth often emerge from leaning into discomfort, fostering empathy, and exploring the deeper ‘why’ behind others' behaviors rather than simply stepping back. In today’s world, where polarization and disconnection often dominate, the ‘Let Them’ mindset reflects a broader societal trend of prioritizing individual boundaries over collective understanding.”

Speaking of “collective understanding,” ahead we have a dose of humor from writer Nicole Garelick, who has us thinking about our one good bra and why we return to it over and over. Her substack is a nice, silly escape. Plus, a reason to visit a movie theater this weekend, new music, and more.

Bye,
Your friends at Gloria

The other day it was negative five degrees outside. Midwestern winters are not for the faint of heart. Trapped in my house and desperate to bring some much-needed organization to my life, I cleaned out my closet. I sat in my bedroom pondering what I could do without. As the frigid wind blew outside, I sorted through old T-shirts, sweaters, and some highly questionable pairs of shorts. 

This momentous undertaking revealed a shocking truth: I own seven pairs of black barrel-leg pants and exactly one good bra. Technically, there are a few other bras in my drawer, but I would never wear them. Even the thought of putting one on feels absurd. A good bra is precious — irreplaceable, even. (R.I.P my Natori bra of 2016, have never known true comfort since.)

There are countless reasons I never reach for my other bras. There’s habit. But also, there’s my tendency toward what my therapist calls magical thinking. If something unpleasant happens, I might blame it on the bra I rarely wear but happened to have on that day. And nothing compares to the familiar comfort of a well-worn favorite. After all, who wouldn’t want to feel like they’re wrapped in the embrace of an old friend?

A good bra is made through true craftsmanship. Not by the manufacturer, but by you. It takes thousands of hours of wear and tear (or rather, stretching) before it officially earns the title of “good.” The fabric should be so worn down that it no longer feels like fabric at all. It should exist somewhere between your softest, rattiest nightshirt and air.

I firmly believe that a good bra deserves only one annual washing — its spa day. (This should be done with some great ceremony.)

Because of this infrequent washing, a good bra should carry a distinctive musk — a scent forged through a hundred sweaty travel days, postpartum sweats, the sending of many a stressful email, and the forceful slipping over your ribcage. Heaven forbid it is unfastened. Its straps should also spend most of the day taking turns sliding off your shoulders and dangling aimlessly under your shirt. Physical support isn’t the priority here — emotional support is. It’s seen you through everything because, aside from when you’re sleeping, it is literally always on. (Hard pants are worn only between the hours of 9 a.m.  and maybe 7:30 p.m. at night at best.)

So, when faced with the choice between buying another pair of real pants — which require no effort but will be uncomfortable no matter what — or undertaking the years-long journey of crafting a good bra, it’s no wonder I always choose pants. Which is how I ended up here in the first place (see picture below).

Before you claim that all of these pants are the same, I can assure you they are radically different. Each is uncomfortable in its own unique way. Some pinch in the middle of my stomach, others at the sides. Some hurt when I sit down, others when I stand up. For these reasons, none of them were given away, and all were placed in the keep pile.

The only time you should ever get a new bra is when your good one breaks.

(I couldn’t include a pic of the good bra because I’m wearing it.)

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TO WATCH Another spy movie? Yes, but this one looks good. The Steven Soderbergh-directed Black Bag stars Cate Blanchett and Michael Fassbender as an extremely chic spy couple whose marriage is tested by a world-affecting crisis. It’s in theaters today.

TO TRY To fight fine lines, melasma, and other signs of sun damage, we take this supplement in addition to using sunscreen daily. It’s packed with antioxidant properties, and is derm-recommended to aid in eliminating free radicals. Click here to give it a try. #partner**

TO LISTEN Radiohead’s Thom Yorke is releasing the perfect soundtrack for spring 2025. He’s put out two excellent singles from his upcoming album with producer ​​Mark Pritchard; both are compellingly listenable while also giving off a dystopian sort of vibe.

TO STREAM New edge-of-your-seat Apple TV+ crime thriller Dope Thief looks stressful but worth it. As the Guardian puts it, star Brian Tyree Henry “is so incredible he could invest a Philly cheesesteak with complex emotion.”

“A simple way to avoid overparenting.” • The National Women’s Soccer League is back, and here’s how to watch. • Everyone in Hollywood is getting their eyes done. • The Friends YouTube channel is now airing full episodes of the show’s failed Joey spinoff. • Interpreting the answers – or rather, nonanswers – from incoming FDA head Marty Makary on mifepristone (related).

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