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The nonfiction market, buoyed by the success of Patrick Radden Keefe’s London Falling and a spate of buzzy female memoirs that’ve incited days of online gossip, commentary, and agita, might overshadow lightweight fiction on this summer’s must-read book lists.
To us, a beach read has always meant a book engrossing enough to stand up to the distracting pleasures of a sunny vacation setting, a page-turner that you can gulp down like a cool beverage on a hot day. Why not learn something while you’re at it?
We have also noticed a niche movement of readers flexing their attention-span chops by publicly revisiting long, often dense classics. (For fellow sickos, here’s a list to work off of.) There were those spurred by Emerald Fennell’s Wuthering Heights adaptation, those who we’ve seen climb Mt. Moby Dick, and those who will pick up John Steinbeck’s 1952 epic East of Eden ahead of a new interpretation of the book starring Florence Pugh that’s coming to Netflix this fall.
In an article for The Chronicle of Higher Education titled “My Students Can’t Read,” Tyler Jagt notes that “the ability to read deeply and reason at length is fragmenting along class lines as ultra-processed digital media replaces text in everyday life, much as ultra-processed food has replaced cooking.” The irony is that technology is expensive, requires constant feeding (of your time, energy, or simply of electricity), and is designed to expire — while books, particularly older ones, are available to anyone who wants them, don’t require anything but your eyeballs and a light source, and can be acquired for almost nothing. We almost always pick them up from estate sales when we can.
Speaking of that: Have you used an estate sale service to sell a family member’s items? We want to talk with you for an upcoming feature! If you’re game, please respond to this email or send word to [email protected]. Thank you!
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Your friends at Gloria
Jacqueline Newman, a divorce lawyer in New York City, starts every meeting with a new client by seeing if she can get rid of them. “The first thing I do is ask them if they’re sure. If they even pause for a nano-second, I say go see a marriage counselor,” Newman says. “Divorce is emotionally expensive, it is financially expensive, and it’s very hard to come back from.”
Which is one reason why, for the last four decades, fewer Americans are going through with it. Divorce, like marriage, is on the decline. The exception being those over 50, who are splitting at nearly double the rate as the same age group in the ‘90s. This is called Gray Divorce, a trend you’ve no doubt heard of in the last few years. Increasingly, it’s women choosing to end things.
LegalZoom estimates the average divorce attorney charges $270 an hour, so whether your differences are feeling irreconcilable or you’re just here for the voyeurism, read on for some free advice.
If the only thing you know is what you’ve watched on TV, then you probably do need a reality check.
The Real Reason People Divorce Is Not What You Think
“People ask all the time: What causes divorce? I don’t think it’s the affairs or the money,” Newman says, adding that in her experience, relationships unravel when partners fight dirty — or not at all. “It’s really about communication and being able to get your point across. People know how to get along but they don’t know how to fight. People need to learn to behave themselves and not hit below the belt.”
You Will Be Frustrated (and/or Unhinged) for a While
Perhaps unsurprisingly, a massive life change can cause people to go a little crazy. Divorce “takes over,” Newman says, and can change people in unexpected ways. “People going through divorce are very narcissistic because they are in self-preservation mode.” She’s seen people act against their own – or their children’s — best interest, to the point that she tries to advise clients to prepare for the worst. “Usually they come back to their senses, but there will be a time period where they are so grossly irrational and contrary to who I know they are. You’re not divorcing the same person you married.”
Josh Brand, a family attorney based in Nashville, TN echoes this sentiment: “Things that you’re going to encounter in the divorce process are a lot of the reason that you are probably getting divorced in the first place. Expect to be frustrated by what the other party is doing.”
Court Can (And Maybe Should) Be Avoided
“People have this image of court; they watch it on TV and think we’ll settle your case by the commercial break, and that’s not how it works by any stretch,” Newman says. Particularly in New York, she says the courts are so overstretched, a happily-uncontested dissolution can still take six months to a year to come apart legally. Add in any complexities and you’re looking at another year or more. “People say, ‘he had an affair, he slept with my sister,’ and think the judge is going to care — not only will they not care, if you’re in a no-fault state, they won’t even hear it. The judge isn’t going to blink; they’ll see 12 of your cases that day.”
No-fault divorce means it doesn’t matter if one person was cruel, or cheating, or an absentee parent — you’re allowed to divorce whether or not that’s the case — but the proof of their cruelty won’t impact how you have to divvy things up. “Sometimes you have someone who gathered all this evidence, the receipts, or hired a private detective, and I have to say we aren’t even going to show the judge. It can feel unfair, but it doesn’t matter.”
It’s for these reasons that Newman says a “kitchen table” agreement is the best case scenario. Settling as much as possible through mediation to minimize the court proceedings saves a lot of time and boatloads of money.
Everything’s Gonna Be Split
“At the end of the day, divorce is a business transaction and that’s what it comes down to,” Newman says. “You always have this case where someone was keeping all this money in their sock drawer or their boot and I’m like, ‘Yeah, you’re still going to have to split that,’ and it's heartbreaking.” Whether it’s boot cash, houses, or companies you’ve founded, it’s getting divvied up, and she notes the latter can be particularly awkward; you have to “get creative” or look to co-ownership with an ex.
Summer dressing should be easy — and fun. If you’re looking for vacation-ready pieces or just want to update your warm-weather wardrobe, Soft Surroundings is the place to look. We love this floaty gauze dress, these cool linen pull-on pants, and this absolutely adorable pajama set. They also have face-shielding hats, comfortable shoes, and so much more. Shop it all here. #partner
Cape Fear. Image via Apple TV.
TO WATCH Amy Adams and Javier Bardem anchor Apple TV’s Cape Fear, an intensely watchable (if a little violent) Spielberg and Scorsese-produced update of the 1990s thriller, which itself was an update of a ‘60s film. There’s also this silly new J.Lo office rom-com on Netflix.
TO SHOP We love Negative because the quality truly matches the price, and the pieces are both practical and a little sexy. For summer, we’re living in this matching tank and shorts pajama set (seriously the best, and machine washable), this lightweight cami and matching underwear, this bra that's perfect under tricky tops and dresses, and this comfy matching top and bottom. Shop everything here. #partner
TO MAKE If you’re the type who likes a little treat with your mid-morning coffee, we have a recipe for you. This fig-and-walnut yeast cake is dense and kind of scone-y, with chewy bits of fig and crunchy nuts (we subbed in chopped raw almonds, as it was all we had, and cut a half cup of sugar). We can’t stop snacking on it.
TO LISTEN This morning brought the debut of a new Death Cab for Cutie album. Upon early listens, we find I Built You a Tower to be okay, but not at the level of Transatlanticism and Plans. There’s also new Weezer, just FYI.
Actually no, plenty of millennials are having mid-life crises. • Come on, the “Jell-O diet?” Enough with this nonsense. • This is nice! • A deep investigation into the Ruti pants phenomena. • Four Black women on going natural during menopause.
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