Spilling on Post-Divorce Sex

Hi friend,

The weather is weird, the vibes are off, but like it or not, the holidays are almost upon us. We’ve started compiling some present ideas — which we’re sharing below.

Not in the mood? Maybe a Christmas film would help. Would it make it better if that Christmas film was strange and lightly erotic?

Yes, says Netflix. The streaming platform is going head-to-head with Hallmark with a slate of holiday features, some new, some purchased from Hallmark’s past offerings. Many feature celebrities from our youth, like Lacey Chabert, Scott Wolf, and Bethany Joy Lenz.

Chabert is undoubtedly the casting winner, starring in the extra-campy Hot Frosty, which is about a musclebound snowman that takes on human form to seduce a widow. (Save this discussion over its inscrutable plot holes for afterward, as a treat.) Chad Michael Murray, meanwhile, is the lead of the Magic Mike-inspired male-stripping film The Merry Gentlemen. Perfect for putting your brain on OOO mode.

Not to be outdone, O.G. Hallmark is offering 47 holiday films in total starring people like Tamera Mowry-Housley and Angela Kinsey – and including Chabert, who will play an archeologist searching for the “legendary treasure of the Yule Lads” with her ex who is conveniently “an expert in Ancient Norse languages” in The Christmas Quest, out next month. Just go with it.

Speaking of fantasies, this week we have a feature on women completely rediscovering their sexuality and having amazing physical encounters after their divorces. Kudos to them!

Bye,
Your friends at Gloria

The first time I had sex during the strange year of my marriage ending, it was with a woman whom I’ll call Annie (all names have been changed in this piece to protect the havers of good, bad, mind-blowing, and mediocre sex alike). She and I met at an iconic queer bar in my then-new hometown of Nashville. She was a beautiful, witty, tough preacher’s kid — a “PK,” she rattled off blithely, my Yankee brain having zero clue what that meant. We talked, we laughed, and in her bed later on, she held me down and told me when to come. I was smitten, to say the least. 

I had been honest with Annie about my marital situation from the get-go, but it wasn’t until the end of our second night together that I blurted, “I’m a mom; I have a toddler.” She grinned and said, “I know.” I was immediately terrified that the reason she knew this was somehow because of my vagina — that it was forever marred in some way by birth and stitches two years prior. But she drew me closer and whispered, “I Googled you.” Well then. We kept going, and my thankfully non-mauled vagina has never been the same.

I’m far from alone in finding something remarkable — like a new lease on life — within a post-divorce sexual experience. In fact, a relatively unscientific poll of my 5.5K Instagram followers showed 76 percent of women reporting post-divorce sex as more satisfying than the sex they were having during their marriage.

“When my ex blew up our marriage, it was sudden and heartbreaking,” says Mary, a writer and mother who has been through one divorce and one annulment. “I had a good friend at the time who kept coming over to check on me. I had never thought of him romantically. But the one night he kissed me, it was like, crazy fireworks. And then we couldn’t get enough — like three times a day for months,” says Mary, who was living in the Midwest at the time. “I had never been insatiable before,” she says of her sex drive post-divorce. 

Similarly, Frances, a writer based in Los Angeles, says the thing that surprised her most about post-divorce sex was “that I wanted to have it!” This was a stark contrast to her previous marriage; she had assumed she didn’t like having sex and had zero libido. “I was wrong,” Frances says. Post-divorce sex helped her realize that “given the autonomy to actively choose a sexual partner, I can experience attraction, excitement, and joy from sex.”

For Rebecca, a small business owner in Tennessee, post-divorce sex was just…easier. She saw it as “a fresh start,” she says, where she could “actually say what I want and ask for what I want without all the baggage.” This also reflects the experiences of Tara, a writer based in Connecticut, who says post-divorce sex “was less performative, and more about pleasure.” 

Emma, from Florida, says that for her, sex after divorce was “like going back to college. But it is so much better because everyone knows what they’re doing. It’s like everyone shows off their skills.” Her advice to divorced folks: “Enjoy the buffet!” 

We’ve been waiting for Black Friday season (yes, it’s a season) to invest in big purchases just like this one. Because it is truly worth it to get an incredible mattress, particularly if you care about getting a solid night of sleep.

We trust Naturepedic when it comes to quality. They’ve been in this business for more than 20 years, and are focused on creating products that are good for your health and for the environment. Check their offerings out here, and use the code GLORIA20 for 20 percent off. #partner

When we began compiling our list of gifts for “her,” a few trends emerged. Comfort was top of mind. Also: Things that would help you to decompress, get off your phone, and enjoy the world a little. And a few luxe treats. Below, 13 ideas we hope will be helpful.

• We like that these are indoor/outdoor. Minnetonka Neva Slippers, $70.

• Super luxurious. Saint Jane Beauty The Bath Ritual Duo, $90.

• The perfect duo: Adorable, fluffy ear muffs and a pretty, cozy sweater. Ann Taylor Fuzzy Earmuffs, $69.50, and Fair Isle Raglan Sweater, $65.40. #partner

• The only thing you really need to start birding. National Geographic Field Guide to the Birds of North America, $18.

• A genius invention for those of us who have to watch sports practices in chilly weather. Mylle Hot Seats, $170.

• Extremely cozy. The Great Terry Sock, $38.

• A gentle-wake alarm clock to replace the phone we need to stop looking at all the time. Loftie Clock, $126. #partner

• Really cute and different; the necklace no one else will have. Brooke Callahan Polka-Heart Necklace, $120.

• These pretty table sets are ideal for people who love to entertain. Atelier Saucier Napkin, Tablecloth, and Runner Set, $148.

• Conjuring up images of these, a hot chocolate, and a crackling fire. J.Crew Cotton Flannel Pajama Set, $56.50.

• Warm cashmere gloves in our favorite shade of red. Eldon Cashmere Gloves, $51.

• Minimalist-chic. Diane Keaton for Hudson Grace Enamel Serving Set, $58.

• We do not have a thick Turkish cotton robe, but we sure want one. Brooklinen Super-Plush Robe, $129.

TO STREAM We were captivated by the story of the Indigenous children who, after their small plane crashed in the Amazon jungle, were able to keep themselves alive for 40 days until their rescue. Now there’s a Netflix documentary about it. In The Lost Children, we hear from their family members, plus the Indigenous communities who joined in on the rescue efforts.

TO TRY We always have this stain remover on hand for all sorts of issues, whether it's red wine, make-up, or tomato sauce. In addition to helping us save and preserve our favorite shirts, it’s also plant-based and fragrance-free. Try it out here, and use the code SR20GLORIA for 20 percent off. #partner

TO LISTEN Just in time for Thanksgiving, the Joy of Cooking – the legendary 1930s cookbook that’s one of the most printed in the country – has launched a podcast. It’s soothing; imagine a bunch of food nerds quietly talking about eggplant and what they’ve been cooking recently.

TO BINGE In the new action-thriller series The Day of the Jackal (streaming on Peacock), Oscar-winner Eddie Redmayne plays a cold-blooded assassin being tracked by a British intelligence officer. On Prime Video, there is the similarly toned Cross, which is based upon the long-running James Patterson series and stars Aldis Hodge as a homicide detective and forensic psychologist tracking a serial killer.

Experts weigh in on topical estrogen for your face. • An interview with Mary Catherine Garrison, who plays the sister on Somebody Somewhere. • “LGBTQ+ people are preparing for the worst.” • All about the organization that is working to make restaurants more hospitable places for breastfeeding.

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